I let myself be swallowed by The Great Tornado. I knew that she would come and as I waited for her I promised myself that I will be the one who gets away.
Knowing her arrival would come soon and thinking I was fully prepared to escape her, didn’t stop her to take me away slowly but surely. She is no usual tornado, you see, she is a quiet one, almost hypnotic. It all started with a gentle breeze, almost comforting after long days of work. It slowly became a breath of refreshing silence after eight long hours at the job and soon transformed into the calm cyclone of monotony that I have been trapped in every single day.
I have sworn that I will not become a boring, lifeless adult working 8 hours every day with the most predictable schedule: work — home –home –work –drive –cook- sleep — shower — shop –cook –work.
I promised I will do something extraordinary with this amazing gift of life I have been given, that I will never abandon my dream to make the world just a little bit better, or that at least I will enjoy it fully.
But for now, all I know is that I failed. MISERABLY
I feel numb evening after evening, my body feels paralyzed of fatigue. I just sit in my bed because I deserve some rest. It’s silent, so I turn on the TV and look right through it. I see lights and people and I hear sounds but I don’t have enough attention “to pay to them”. I then take my phone and scroll through other people’s lives as I imagine all the better versions of me that I want to become, all that I am not.
If I had started working out years ago, I would have been fit now, if I had started writing for as long as I wanted to, I would have been a better writer, if I had started a business, I wouldn’t have to work so much for someone else’s dream.
Every single night I find myself being determined to change my life. To go to the gym tomorrow, write a page, start working for my dreams. Because tomorrow is a brand new chance to try to escape my tornado.
But so was today… and yesterday, and the day before…
